First of all, I want to make a big difference between a boss who is doing this occasionally and has the appropriate reason to do it. Because, let’s all be honest, bosses are people as well so they are emotional beings and have the right to make some burst of feelings from time to time.

But on the other hand, there is that other group of bosses, the toxic ones. They tend to do this so often, not posing a moment to think if they are right or wrong.

Here we will deal with the other group, the toxic boss kind of people.

In an ideal workplace, the supervisor should address the issue, explain what precisely the issue is, and express why the issue affects the organization and/or other employees, whatever the case may be.

No yelling, no undervaluing, no bullying.

Since we are not all blessed with some great leaders, let’s see what should we do in case we are the target and the boss is yelling at us in front of everybody.

REMEMBER How YOU REACT makes THE DIFFERENCE in this situation.

Step #1 Do not feel intimidated 

Please, pull yourself together and think.

If somebody is yelling, especially if they are in the position of power you may feel intimidated. So, step number 1 is not to feel intimidated. You need to practice this. Even in the case you made a terrible mistake at your job, mistakes happen all the time, do not allow yourself to feel scared in front of him or her.

Even if you feel scared, the key is NOT TO SHOW IT. A body language is a powerful tool you may use to hide the things which are happening inside of you.

Practice this:

• Look at the person who is yelling at you straight in the eyes.
• Do not bend the head down.
• Have a still expression on your face.
• Try to look like you agree with everything they are saying and wait for your turn.

Step #2 Do not yell back 

Immediately you’ll be tempted to react emotionally and defensively because you’re being attacked.

Stay calm and do not yell back.

This is a golden rule. 

Why, you may be asking? Isn’t that the sign of weakness? Not to defend yourself?

NO! 

Every successful person at some point in their life had to deal with toxic people. These are the proven methods that actually work. So, use the calmest voice you got in that particular state (which is obviously a highly emotional state). 

Step #3 Validate their feelings

I know you do not want to but if you want to act like a real professional and mature person, this is the way to go. If your boss is yelling at you, this means he feels frustrated about something. This is a very hard part when you need to deal with someone who is less emotionally mature than you but acknowledging their feelings will bring you an advantage.

Try saying something like this:

I understand why you are mad, I would probably feel the same if…

Step #4 State the facts

In life and work, we use the facts to tell the story. The thing is, every human being brings to the story some new emotional elements, which are real only to them. In that way, the story becomes so emotional and in some cases even untrue.

You need to spin the wheel again and bring the truth to the beginning. It helps to recapitulate the facts, state them clearly and see if you and your boss are on the same page when the facts are on the table. 

Step #5 Apologize if you are wrong

This is a simple technique which not many people use. Honesty is highly appreciated even with the toxic bosses. I mean, the easiest way to disarm someone is to agree with him or her and take your part of the blame. After that confession, they really can not continue arguing all by themselves when they know you agree. It is a very powerful strategy. 

Step #6 Tell your story

After listening carefully whatever the toxic boss has to say, try to bring on your point of view. Start by saying something like this:

I understand how you feel right now, do I have your permission to express my point of view?

In this way, you are validating his/her position and they must agree. This makes them have a fake feeling they are in control when actually you are the one who has the advantage to present your story.

Step #7 Set up a meeting to discuss the problem

In any case, it would be very helpful if you would set up a meeting with your boss to discuss the problem in more detail. You should ask your toxic boss to give you some time to reflect upon every possible solution and get back to him/her first thing in the morning to discuss the problem in more detail. Book a conference room and schedule a time that or the next day so you two can sit down and hash out the problem. Tell him/her that the meeting would be very helpful for both of the sides. The goal here is to show that you care about your job and making things work. This will make your toxic boss trust you again.

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